Conflicts psychology

Few of us enjoy dealing with conflicts-either with bosses, friends, or strangers. This is particularly true when strong feelings become involved. Resolving conflict can be mentally exhausting and emotionally draining.

"Conflict is an emotionally defined and driven," and "does not exist in the absence of emotion."

Psychologists say that it is important to realize that conflict that requires resolution is neither good nor bad. There can be positive and negative outcomes. It can be destructive but can also play a productive role for you personally and for your relationships-both personal and professional. The important point is to manage the conflict, not to suppress conflict and not to let conflict escalate out of control. Many of us seek to avoid conflict when it arises but there are many times when we should use conflict as a critical aspect of creativity and motivation.

It is useful to categorize the various responses we have to conflict in terms of two dimensions:
1. how important or unimportant it is to satisfy our needs and
2. how important or unimportant it is to satisfy the other person's needs.

For many of us it is the psychological aspects that are more difficult.
a)how comfortable each feels about conflict
b)how each perceives the other
c)assumptions each makes about the other
d)trust
e)how important winning is
f) how important is it to avoid conflict
g)how much one likes or dislikes the other
h)how important is it to not look foolish

HOW TO WORK OUT CONFLICTS(Fairly and Peacefully)

1. STOP . . .before you lose control of your temper and make the conflict worse.
2. SAY . . .what you feel is the problem. What is causing the disagreement? What do you want?
3. LISTEN . . .to the other person's ideas and feelings.
4. THINK . . .of solutions that will satisfy both of you.
If you still can't agree, ask someone else to help you work it out.